A Tale from the BlancaSphere
Fidel Castro has resigned as President and Commander in Chief of Cuba. To quote my favorite gay epileptic from “Fox and Friends,” Steve Doucy, this is huge!
With the last reason to vote Republican, save Gloria Estefan’s almost parasitic affection for Commander Guy, Cuban-Americans are now reflecting on their political choices for the past 47 years.
The Miami-landed Cubans have opposed anything Democrat ever since the Bay of Pigs.
For anyone under 100, the Bay of Pigs was a bay with pigs in it. Oh, yeah, President Kennedy did something with those pigs, or the bay or something. Quite honestly, I can’t remember, and I am sure no one still breathing without a respirator in Florida can’t, either.
These Cuban-Americans have voted for Republicans ever since, in some misguided hope that we would end the reign of Castro and bring freedom and capitalism to Cuba. Actually, I don’t think they were all that concerned with the freedom, they just wanted a return to capitalism and to be compensated for all the stuff stolen from them by Castro.
In this I am in solidarity with my little Cubano brethren. My family knows what it is like to have property stolen from them by a government. Thank you very much, Mr. Lincoln.
And what has all this loyalty to my party of choice brought the Cubans over this nearly five decades? Let’s do a quick check, shall we?
In the same time period we have seen an end to the Cold War and a restoration of democracy to Europe, the unification of Germany, and the entry of many Eastern Bloc countries into NATO.
Cuba still has all those old cars.
Vietnam, our former enemy, is now a trading partner with the United States. Any visit to Ikea will reveal the wide variety of products from this Southeast Asian country, from woven baskets, to woven placements, to woven baskets of a different size and shape.
Americans can even visit the country and tour the notorious Hanoi Hilton. For five dollars, you can stay overnight in the John McCain suite, which includes a slop bucket and generous hole in the floor for your every bio need.
Americans can’t go to Cuba unless it is for humanitarian or journalistic purposes. Try to bring back a Cuban cigar from Canada, and get thrown in–ironically enough–Guantanimo.
The Soviet Union is no more, and Putin is our friend. Well, he is more like a friend with privileges, if those privileges include poisoning people, buzzing our ships, and spying on us.
But he’s a good man.
Commander Guy looked into his soul and saw it. He was plastered at the time, but he saw it.
Republican Presidents have refused to even talk to Fidel Castro over all these years.
So in the end, what has all this devotion to the Republicans bought the Cubans? Well, it seems that 47 years of boycotts and snubs have accomplished nothing and that Castro’s colon finally won the battle.
Time will tell whether things change in Cuba. Don’t hold your breath.
We will have to wait for a second colon attack, this time Raoul’s.
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