“And On the Eighth Day God Gave Huckster Wisdom“
Tales from the Blancasphere
Mike Huckabee truly believes that the Lord gave him wisdom. Perhaps in one of his chats with the Almighty, God could clue the Huckster in on a little fact: telling people you have personal conversations with God, where God gives you tips on your career, and fills you in on the whole future thing doesn’t seem to fly anymore.
Take Pat Robertson. Please. Just take him out back somewhere, dig a hole, and put him in it. The man is working on my last good nerve since the whole Rudy endorsement.
Pat recently made a revelation that God told him personally, and just him, no one else, not even JC or even Moses ,who was going to win the Presidential Election in 2008. He then made the startling announcement that he was not going to announce who will win, because people will view him as a kook and make fun of him.
Earth to Pat. That started a long time ago. I held out hope, and I carried water for your sorry, milkshake-drinking ass, but when you figured that an abortion accepting, gay loving, gun hating RINO would be the best choice for the Republican Party in 2008, I figured that your chuckling act had finally ruptured the last three good brain cells you had left.
People don’t seem to take kindly to the President telling people God talks to him. For some reason they view this as some sort of mental illness. Now don’t get me wrong, our Commander Guy has accepted personal calls from God in the past.
In fact, God told the Decider that he should be President. That is why he gave the other guy more votes in 2000. So it wouldn’t look like he was favoring anyone or rigging the election. God’s sneaky like that. You know, all mysterious and shit.
So my advice to the Huckster is to lay off the whole “God talks to me” Spiel, and just lie low. And maybe you shouldn’t discuss how you are going to rewrite British Common Law so it jives with the Holy Scriptures.
There will be plenty of time to fuck up the Constitution once you are elected. But you have to get elected first. So trust me on this, Huck, when the conversation steers to God, don’t go into specifics. Don’t tell them you have a Kaffeeklatsch with God. Don’t say anything about the revelations and visions.
Just say it’s a personal matter, and leave it at that.
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