Written by Bob Grant, L.P.C. “The Relationship Doctor,” the list was on the site, Relationship Headquarters, where one can find such topics as understanding men, love and dating, The Woman Men Adore, and the Man of Your Dreams.
We thought it would be interesting to do a counterpoint to each of Dr. Bob’s “Truths”. From our own “unique” perspective.
Are women capable of understanding the “50 Universal Truths About Men?”
We thought we’d give it a shot.
50 Universal Truths About Men
By Dr. Bob Grant
1. Why should I remind you that “I love you?” I already told you once.
Ginn: Because a man who’s stingy saying “I love you” isn’t worth my time. That’s why.
2. I’ll do anything for sex; even commit to you for life.
Ginn: Good grief, no woman wants a man that desperate.
3. I hate arguing with you. I’d much rather find a compromise.
Ginn: Too bad, buddy, you’re a wuss. A real man knows how to catch a plate every now and then.
4. I love long hair. Sorry, but I do.
Ginn: Women hate men who apologize too much. Sorry, but we do.
5. When you speak softly, I can’t help but listen.
Ginn: We do speak softly, and carry big sticks.
6. I need to be told “no” sometimes. Not a lot, but every now and again reminds me that you are expensive.
Ginn: Why would telling you no, remind you we’re “expensive?”
7. Please don’t ask me how you look unless you’re willing to trust my answer.
Ginn: We lie about your appearance to make you feel good, why can’t you?
8. My eyes notice other women a lot more when you are upset with me.
Ginn: This is where the big stick comes in.
9. When you’re happy with me I can’t help but want to please you.
Ginn: Well, okay, we can handle that. In fact, that’s kind of sweet.
10. If I don’t feel I can make you happy, it makes me feel less than a man.
Ginn: You always make us happy when you’re just being yourself.
11. I expect you to be ready when I pick you up.
Ginn: Of course! It’s rude to make people wait!
12. Cigarettes make any woman look cheap and easy.
Ginn: Whiskey and a cigarette every now then doesn’t make us cheap. Besides, sometimes, cheap is fun.
13. I’m scared if I let a woman inside my heart, she’ll take advantage of me.
Ginn: Women feel the same way.
14. If you can’t stand up to me when I’m a brat, you’re too weak for me to open up to when I’m upset.
Ginn: We didn’t sign on to be your mother.
15. Sitting quietly next to me after you’ve made me a meal is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free ticket. You’ll be surprised how quickly I can forgive.
Ginn: Oh really? You’d be surprised how quickly I’d decide to not date you.
16. You did something hurtful. If I never bring it up, I’m considering leaving you.
Ginn: Don’t let the door hit your butt on the way out.
17. I don’t read minds. Remember, I’m not a girl.
Ginn: Then don’t act like one.
18. You may know fashion, but I wish you’d dress to please me, not other women.
Ginn: What a myth! We do not wear thigh highs and heels for other women.
19. If I’m losing my hair, it’s not funny. Would you like me to joke about your weight?
Ginn: You’re right, losing your hair is not funny. Classy women know it’s not nice to make fun of losing your hair.
20. When I talk to you about golf and you act bored, it would be nice for you to remember all the times I listened to you talk about what is important to you.
Ginn: Let’s make a deal. If you think listening to what’s important to me is boring then I’m obviously with the wrong person. Period.
21. The woman I love is easy to please. She appreciates the effort I put into making her happy, even if I get the details wrong.
Ginn: True. We adore a man who cares about our happiness. We want his happiness as much as he wants ours.
22. You look hot in a dress.
Ginn: Yes, I do. Thanks.
23. I hate being told what to do when I don’t ask for help. It makes me feel you’re my mother.
Ginn: I agree. It’s a bad habit for some women to break.
24. If you sleep over, I might eventually marry you, but I’m less motivated.
Ginn: If you sleep over, I might eventually marry you, unless, for some reason, you’re less motivated.
25. During sex my ears are as sensitive to your words as your skin is to my touch.
Ginn: Girls been dissin you during sex?
26. I need some type of signal or cue to walk across the room and approach you. What if you’re married!?
Ginn: If I’m married you won’t get a “signal” so no need to obsess about it.
27. It makes me feel like you trust me when you ask for my advice.
Ginn: I wouldn’t ask unless I thought you knew the answer.
28. It feels competitive when you insist on being in charge.
Ginn: A relationship is supposed to be fun. Not work. Being someone’s boss is too much work.
29. Being respected is more important to me that being loved.
Ginn: Respect and love come together in the same package. If someone doesn’t respect you, they don’t love you. It’s as simple as that.
30. I want every guy to envy me when we arrive as a couple. Please don’t let yourself go.
Ginn: And vice-versa, oh shallow one.
31. When I’m upset I am very tone sensitive. How you say it is more important that what you say..
Ginn: Good grief. This is sounding more and more like work.
32. I hate it when you minimize/ignore my compliments. It makes me what to stop giving them.
Ginn: (playing world’s smallest violin) Interesting. Truly.
33. I’m more insecure than you think. Why do you think I need your respect so much?
Ginn: Again, if I love you, then I respect you too. Just how insecure are you? Inquiring minds…
34. I don’t always know how I feel. That’s why I don’t tell you.
Ginn: But how do you really feel?
35. I don’t need you to do things for me. What I crave is being able to please you.
Ginn: Then please me.
36. If I do one thing and say something contradictory – Go with my actions, that will always tell you what’s in my heart.
Ginn: Sigh. Okay. You don’t happen to have a manual I can take home with me?
37. I find myself wanting to please you when you simply smile at me without asking for something. (Like a favor).
Ginn: If you’re fun to be with, we smile, a lot.
38. I really don’t want to hear about any of your ex-boyfriends, regardless of the point.
Ginn: Nor do we want to hear about your ex-girlfriends… or your mother.
39. If I don’t share what I’m thinking it’s because I don’t think you will listen without interrupting.
Ginn: I’m sorry, could you repeat what you just said…
40. I don’t like to argue and I don’t like to guess what’s wrong. Just tell me so I can fix it.
Ginn: What makes you think you can “fix” it?
41. I love it when you put your hair in a pony tail. Yes, it’s a Freudian thing.
Ginn: And yet, when I put my hair in a pony tail, you remind me of Pavlov’s dog.
42. Don’t ask me, “Are you going to wear that?” when I’m already dressed.
Ginn: It was more a statement, not a question. Perhaps you need some “Queer Eye for the Overly Sensitive Straight guy?”
43. A gentleman should always be respected by his lady in public, even if she is disagreeing with him.
Ginn: What kind of women are you going out with?
44. If you don’t believe you’re pretty, you won’t believe me when I tell you, no matter how many times I say it.
Ginn: Women like to hear they’re pretty. Even the ones who don’t believe it.
45. It isn’t how much you weigh; it’s that your body is proportionate which is so attractive.
Ginn: Yes, we already know this. How ironic that women aren’t more demanding of men’s body shapes. Why do we let you get away with this double standard?
46. Sometimes I have weird and strange thoughts. I don’t take them seriously and I don’t want to share them with you (or anyone).
Ginn: Who said we wanted to hear them? Unless it involves murdering us, then we want to know.
47. Sometimes you really don’t want to know what I’m thinking. See above.
Ginn: And sometimes you really don’t want to know what I’m thinking either.
48. If you cheat on me, it is nearly impossible for me to get over it.
Ginn: Same here, buddy. (Smacks big stick in palm of hand)
49. I don’t remember everything about our relationship and that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.
Ginn: We just pretend we remember everything.
50. I need some time to myself to calm down when I’m upset so that I don’t say something I will regret.
Ginn: Is this because woman don’t need extra time to get their thoughts together? Hmmm?
Whoever this guy is, if this were a date, I’d be wondering where that waiter was with the check.
After I finished my whiskey and cigarette, of course.