A Year’s Worth of Spoofs
On January 20, 2007–almost a year ago–the junior Senator from New York and Former First Lady, Hillary Clinton, announced that she was going to make a bid for the presidency.
Of course, as the wife of former President, Bill Clinton, there would be questions. Questions like her involvement in the Whitewater Affair.
Questions about how she had handled various documents: FBI documents, travel office documents, and documents from the Clinton Library.
There were even questions about her sexuality.
Isn’t that just disgusting?
People looked for little hints: was she or wasn’t she?
Some people said they had evidence.
Some people weren’t so sure. They kept looking for clues.
Some people said that Clinton would be a strong leader.
There had been rumors for years about Hillary Clinton’s earthy ways.
Right after Clinton announced, there was much speculation: the questions continued about the private side of Hillary Clinton.
Regardless, a lot of people thought “If only we knew the answers to some of the questions about her, Hillary Clinton would be right for the job.”
Husband Bill was thought to be an asset by some.
But others thought he was a drag on her campaign.
Everyone agreed, however, that whatever his faults, Bill had some powerful backers and a lot of important political connections.
Early on, there wasn’t much to talk about.
After all, the primary election season was almost a year away.
Some pundits talked about Clinton’s hair.
Everyone but hairdressers and other reporters in the MSM just rolled their eyes.
The pundits didn’t seem to notice.
There was so much talk about Clinton’s hair, some probably wished that the former first lady would do something to make the MSM reporters and pundits stop.
So, eventually, a few moved on.
They questioned her role in the early days of husband Bill’s presidency.
They wanted to know about her hand in health care reform.
Back then, Hillary Clinton had packaged government health care as best she could.
The Hillary Clinton Health Care Plan reminded a lot of people of something else.
In the end, even with a Democrat-controlled House and Senate, her plan failed.
With all the questions answered to the MSM’s satisfaction, Hillary Clinton set about gearing up her campaign.
Libertarians, in general, and Ron Paul supporters, in particular, thought Clinton’s campaign sounded like more government regulation.
Conservatives complained that Clinton was too controlling.
Some said that if Clinton didn’t win in 2008, she would be back four years–and maybe even eight years–later.
There was a lot of speculation that Hillary Clinton had an image problem.
Polls showed HIGH negatives–some polls showed over half the voters with a negative impression of her.
Even some Democrats whispered that Hillary was a “witch”.
That wasn’t very nice, was it?
But in spite of all that, Hillary Clinton’s campaign had plenty of money.
It was rumored that they called in high-priced experts to try and solve her problems.
Clinton huddled with her advisers and worked hard to soften her image.
Soon, it was written in such important newspapers as the New York Times and the Washington Post that Hillary Clinton just might be a “classic Democrat”.
Who would compete with Clinton for the Democrat nomination?
On February 10, 2007, Barack Obama announced he was throwing his hat into the ring.
Some pundits speculated that the Clinton machine would grind up Senator Obama.
There was talk that Obama would be beaten so fast, that he would drop out and become Hillary Clinton’s running mate.
Those were happier days: before the candidates started calling one another bad names.
Like “drug dealer.”
It is almost an unwritten rule that once you call a candidate a “drug dealer”, he cannot become your running mate.
Was this a miscalculation? Or did someone just forget the unwritten rule?
Before long, it was time for Hillary Clinton to take her new, softer image on the road.
She headed to Iowa and New Hampshire.
She tried very hard to look “presidential”.
Sometimes, she wasn’t able to quite pull it off.
Her opponents ran commercials pointing out Clinton shortcomings.
They ran ads which pointed out what the NY Senator had said previously about the issues and the way she had voted.
These are called “attack ads” by the MSM.
Unless they don’t like you; then they are “informing the public”.
Either way, it’s part of living in a democracy.
One day in Nebraska, Clinton had trouble with American flags.
The Clinton campaign worked hard. They went out to get to know the people.
By October in Iowa, HRC was what Smart Political Commentators in the MSM called “unstoppable“.
Repeat that word: “Unstoppable“.
Repeat it again.
Now, once more.
Now you can be a Smart Political Commentator, too!
If you are a SPC and you repeat “unstoppable” enough, your buddies in the press tent will believe it has magical powers.
Just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, when she clicks her heels together and says (three times) “There’s no place like home”.
But she was talking about Kansas.
The Smart Political Commentators were talking about Iowa.
The SPC had everything all planned out: Hillary Clinton had grown into something almost like a human tsunami!
Some said Clinton was “unstoppable” because she identified with women.
In Iowa, some said she “bonded” with farm women, in particular.
Even with all that bonding, the HRC campaign, for some reason, ran into trouble.
The SPCs said they would figure out why and get back to us on this.
Hillary’s campaign pulled out all stops.
She crisscrossed the Hawkeye state in the “Hill-A-Copter”.
The big night of the Iowa Caucuses came and the people rendered their decision.
To Hillary, the Iowa Democrats just said “No”.
Clinton got beat.
She got beat by same man that her campaign had earlier called a “drug dealer”.
Isn’t life funny, sometimes?
Some commentators said that Senator Obama took Senator Clinton to school in Iowa.
Now, the very same Smart Political Commentators said that OBAMA was “unstoppable“.
When Clinton heard that OBAMA was now “unstoppable“, she reacted quickly.
Some said it was time for her to change tactics.
Now, Hillary Clinton would take the gloves off!
Her campaign cheered!
Her tactics in New Hampshire were a classic.
Remember those smart people who said HRC might be a “Classic Democrat”?
There were right!
Time will tell.
Now the campaign moves on to South Carolina and other states.
The reader is up to date.
One year of Hillary Clinton’s campaign.
Does it seem longer or shorter than that to you?