Jesus’ Online Confessional: He’s Just An Email Away


Humor is just another defense against the universe.
– Mel Brooks

A tip of the Humor Hat to openjesus.org. We wanted to share a bit of this very funny and witty blog with our readers.

Contact Jesus

I am available each and every minute of each and every day except the 7th day, which is Saturday. To reach me on other day please follow these simple steps:

1. Find a quiet place free from distraction. I’m a busy deity, I can’t have you stepping away to deal with your kids in mid-discussion.

2. Get on your knees. This used to be unnecessary, but after what the Catholics did in the 16th Century Dad’s been adamant about this point.

3. Fold your hands together in any manner you choose.

4. Begin talking. This is what we call a prayer. It’s often best to start by telling me or my Dad how wonderful we are. It’s just the sort of thing that might get our attention away from African children, you see.

5. Make sure you ask forgiveness for everything you’ve done wrong. We really like details, so if you have the time and the inclination go ahead and tell us how you feel about it and what you’ll do differently next time. Of course we already know, but it’s nice to hear it from you now and then.

6. Finally, ask for whatever it is that you would like. Note that due to heavy prayer volume it may take some time to get you exactly what you want, and also remember that prayers from outside of the U.S. take at minimum an extra six weeks for answers.

7. Finish by saying Amen. I know you don’t know what it means, and I know most of the people you know don’t know what it means, but here in Heaven it’s really hard to forward a prayer to the appropriate department without the Amen stamp on it.

“Words of wisdom from your personal Savior” and “Jesus Recommends” are just a few of the jewels of funny wit on this blog. And just in case you need to confess your sins to Jesus there’s an online confessional.

Online Confessional

Here you can lay your sins at my feet digitally. By completing and submitting the form below, you will deliver your confession directly to my inbox for consideration and forgiveness. Please note that there is a 2-3 second delay while the email is sent, during which time you may not be completely forgiven.

Next stop Cyber-Mass.

By Little Baby Ginn

Source – Satire Quote
Source – openjesus.org

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